Flinthammer Hall

It was seven years ago, in the Alterac Mountains south of Strahnbrad.

“Ye can’t, I dunno, magic up somethin’ to take care of them?” Ringo Flinthammer asked, taking another gulp of beer and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What are you, simple, rookie?” one of the other dwarves snapped.

“Sigrun,” the older dwarf sighed, holding up a hand to calm his apprentice. “Ringo, that’s not how enchanters work. We’re no more mages than you are.”

The group chuckled a little at the notion of dwarven mages.

…

Read More Read More

The Alliance’s “very best gnomes” were working at the base of the final wing of Icecrown Citadel. A blue wall of howling damned souls writhed silently before them, shielding Arthas’ remaining lieutenants behind it.

A small camp had been set up before the wall, with small groups huddled around campfires that illuminated less than they ought to and put out a miserly amount of heat.

“So,” Dazhbog began. The draenei knight clapped his hands together in an effort to keep the blood flowing to his fingers. “What’s the first thing you’re going to do after the war?”

“The first thing?” Ringo Flinthammer said, shaking his mug ruefully, frost already forming on the surface of his not-at-all-scalding morningbrew. “Ah am going to go home and have sex with me wife.”

Beside him, Baelan Grimaxe threw his frozen hunk of meat back into the fire and nodded.

“Aye. First thing Ah do is have sex with his wife, too.”

…

Read More Read More

…

Read More Read More

There had been explosions on Deathbringer’s Rise for days now. The Ashen Verdict’s “top gnomes” had been slowly working on the door into the spire, after an initial brute force attack had gotten them nowhere. The gnomes had shifted from trying to crack the huge mass of stone and saronite to working on the hinges.

At last, there was a popping sound, and then another one, the distinctive almond smell of seaforium and then the two doors fell inward, landing with heavy thuds.

“We’re in! All right, sweethearts, ye’re a team and there’s nothin’ to worry about. We come here, and we gonna conquer, and we gonna kick some, is that understood? That’s what we gonna do, sweethearts: We are going to go and get some. All right, people! Are ye lean?”

“Yeah!”

“Are ye mean?”

“Yeah!”

“WHAT ARE YE?”

“LEAN AND MEAN!”

“Move it out! Move it out, Khaz damn it! Get hot! One, two, three, four! Go, go, go! Move in, move in, move in! Move in, move in, move in! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven! Arrrgh, absolute badasses! Let’s pack ’em in! Get in there!”